I was taught at an early age that if you commit to doing something with others, this remains your commitment. Even if a better offer came along after, we were not allowed to cancel our first offer. I took this “rule” as law, and maintained this throughout my life. My husband’s upbringing was similar in this regard, and we see that it is infused into my daughter’s mindset.

As I was growing up, I realized that this “rule” was not always taught to my friends. I would invite them to play, get an affirmation, and sometimes they would cancel if another friend invited them over after we had made plans. My disappointment was evident, and my mom would simply state “Life is not fair”.

The lesson that I learned pretty quickly was that since I didn’t like how it felt to be the recipient of a broken commitment, I would try my best to not break my commitments.

Fast forward to today. I am proud to say that I still remain true to my commitments. It’s been refreshing that I have earned the trust of my business relationships (suppliers, clients, and employees), my family, and my friends. It has also taught me to manage my time better as to not overcommit. I feel people would rather have a timely decline than to wait it out or not RSVP.

I bring it up as this is a critical time for my 14 year old. She has much more freedom and decision making empowerment than I did at her age. But the “rule” still stands with keeping your commitment. I watch her struggle with determining her fun time schedule especially during the weekends. She has done a great job of keeping her commitments, and balancing her invitations by offering alternative plans. I have concluded that at this young age, she understands the basis of the rule, continues to follow it, and this is one aspect that she is queued up for success in this crazy world.

I think if it’s a life or death situation, your body will definitely take over.  However, this is a rare situation so I’m swaying towards it being a balance of your body physically telling you something, and your sub conscience weighing in as well.

And this brings me to my point-  I believe you have to be receptive to utilizing your intuition for this to work.  This includes living in the moment which ultimately leads to being passionate about your life.

Call to action: Are you being mindful and listening to what your intuition is telling you?

1. It’s okay to sound like our parents.  We swore we wouldn’t be like our parents when we were kids, but we are reciting lines to ours like “I am the mom, and you have to do it because I say so.”  We both know that we want the best for her as did our parents for us.
2. It takes two of us big people to take care of the little person.  As long as we both communicate with each other, we can collectively bring up a happy and confident child.  She has always observed our behaviors, and we can see some of our “skills” in her personality.  We have set the expectations of the best grades, to honor commitments to our friends and family, and follow through with our responsibilities.  The three of us are on the same winning side so we have to stick with our plan together.
3. You have to be firm, but flexible.  We want only the best for our daughter, but we also want to ensure she is not an entitled child with little to no responsibilities.  If she does well in school, you remind me that she has fulfilled her responsibilities so she should be able to go out on a school night as a treat.  We have learned that if we are too flexible, she will take us to the cleaners.
4. It’s about life experiences, and encouraging her to dream big.  While I would never agree to buy anything at the M&M store, you agreed to buy her whatever she wanted in London so it would be a memory for her.  I also never would buy that photo that they take at the tourist places, yet you bought the premium package (keychains and all) at the London Eye, Atlantis in the Bahamas, and the luau in Maui.  All of these items (except for the M&Ms) are still displayed in her room.  You also said to me when I complained about the cost of all the Stanford shirts, hats, sweatshirts, and accessories that if she believes she is going to attend college there, why should we shut that down?  You are absolutely right.

Traveling has taught me to be more observant, more organized, and more flexible.  Most of the time I am responsible for my schedule, and I have realized that the majority of the time I am alone.

The luxury is that I don’t have a routine, I am not worrying about my daughter’s schedule, and that I can choose what I would like to eat.  As much as I love spending time at home and with my family, my alone time allows me to reflect and be quiet.  This may sound frightening or not fun, but I truly appreciate this time.

In September, I traveled to Asia and spent a lot of time alone.  I didn’t feel the need to occupy every moment in the day, and interact with as many people as I could.  I became very self-aware, especially when eating alone.  It also gave me time to realign with my personal and professional wish list.  My favorite realization was that I was able to distinguish between being alone versus being lonely.

I was chatting with a good friend who is single.  We were talking about how empowered you feel when you are alone.  There are times that he would love a companion to attend events together versus attending alone, but the freedom has made him a more independent, and in my opinion, a happier person.

Sure, it’s always wonderful to share experiences with others, but I do believe that everyone should allow time to be alone where you are the decision maker for all of your activities.  I also believe it’s important to enjoy being alone.

At this time of the year, I believe a lot of us go through an evaluation of the year and set up resolutions for the upcoming year.  I encourage you to allocate some time for yourself – to quiet your mind and be autonomous.

The pressure of writing something impactful on my blog is so unwarranted. So to take the pressure off, I’ve decided to write quick and shorter posts about things that have helped me. I’m calling these posts “You Make Time For What’s Important”.

My inspiration has come from The RED podcast with David Hooper interjecting smaller sized solo podcasts versus the normal podcasts with his co-host & new wife, Laurel.  With that, my first YMTFWI post is a snapshot of the six podcasts that I am listening to on a regular basis.

Sporkful: I love Dan Pashman’s tagline “It’s not for foodies, It’s for eaters.” This is my kind of podcast. http://www.sporkful.com

TED Radio Hour: We all want to be impactful in the world, but the people highlighted are blowing my mind, and teach me to think even deeper. http://www.npr.org/programs/ted-radio-hour

Chewing the Fat: Two Chinese American (with a twist of Puerto Rican) women from Chicago talking about food trends, and interviewing experts on cool topics nails it for me. http://www.wbez.org/content/chewing-fat-podcast-louisa-chu-and-monica-eng

Meditation Oasis: Balancing your chakras may sound weird, but after listening to a podcast, I do feel calmer and in balance. Who doesn’t want that? http://www.meditationoasis.com

Serial: I have no idea if it’s her voice or the story that is intoxicating. It’s a podcast about a murder that the accused may or may not be guilty, and a journalist trying to find the answer. It’s also the #1 podcast on iTunes. http://serialpodcast.org

The RED Podcast: After being in business for 18 years as well as having several other businesses established over the past few years, I am inspired by the dialogue between the hosts. They understand the entrepreneurial lifestyle enough that their podcasts are about 25 minutes since we all need to get back to what we’re doing which is working less, making more money. and having freedom. http://www.redpodcast.com

Conant High School 25th reunion
Allison Goodman Spaitis & Karen Eng

Is it truly a milestone when you’re invited to your 25th high school reunion?  I’m not convinced it’s a milestone, but more of a celebration of life amongst my peers – many of whom I’ve grown up with since the second grade.  Obviously, I felt different compared to my 10 year reunion and I can clearly state why.  I was at a different stage in my life – newly engaged and a few years out of graduate school.  At the 25th year high school reunion, we are in our early 40s, have been working for a couple decades, and (lightly or heavily) seasoned in marriage, family, and children.  Here are a few things that I took away from the evening that I believe are true across the board whether you’re attending a reunion or not:

It’s interesting how people celebrate their birthdays each year.  My nine year old was super excited, and relishes being a year older.  Our office manager simply says that we can’t celebrate her birthday.  And on Facebook, I feel so popular with over 70 of my friends wishing me a happy birthday.

Since I was 21 years old, I have a birthday ritual.  I wake up before everyone, and read the letter I wrote to myself 10 years ago.  It’s quite exciting seeing the letter and unsealing it.   The format of my letter never changes.  It is broken into three parts.  The first is a synopsis of the past year that includes highlights of my professional career, my personal life, and my relationships with my family and friends.  The second part is setting some goals for the next year.    And the final section is what I look forward to the most.  It is my younger self predicting what I am like ten years later and asking questions to my older self.

The most difficult part of the 10-year letter is waiting for the first time you can open your letter.

My priorities have changed through the years, and quite frankly, the issues that were pressing at the time, I typically don’t remember ten years later.  A lot of the predictions that I have made have come true.  I believe this is because your behaviors may change over the years, but beliefs rarely do.

Invitation:  Consider writing a birthday letter to yourself as a way to document your memories and inspire your future self.